You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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