Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
