You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
