I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
