ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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