i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
