Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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