He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just high enough for therapy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
