I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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