do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
