we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
