Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
