Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
