There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
