when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's official drugs can't kill me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
