That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
