Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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