I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
