R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Operation Purity has been aborted
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
