and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How external is "for external use only"?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
