is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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