i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
