u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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