atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
