Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
