we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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