Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
