you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just found a bag of teeth...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
