Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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