sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
