her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
