I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
