put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
