omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
