Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You're like the curious george of whores
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't turn off my feet"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
