That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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