At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
