I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
