drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
