my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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