I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
