so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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