I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
