Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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