it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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