did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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