Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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