he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
