the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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