how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
