anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
