I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
