I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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