I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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