Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize