i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
