She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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