between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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