Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
