all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
